Crippled Jokes (The Best Of)

(1) Whats the opposite of Christopher Reeve? Christopher Walken.
(2) How do crippled’s make love? They rub their crutches together.
(3) Why did the disabled man get washed in the kitchen sink? Because thats were you are meant to wash vegetables.
(4) What do you tell a woman in a wheelchair? Nothing, she’s already been told.
(5) What do you call a prostitute in a wheelchair? Park and Ride.
(6) A guy is walking on the beach one day, and comes across a girl with no arms and no legs. She is crying, so he ask her, “Why are you crying?” She replies, “I have never been hugged before.” So he picks her up and gives her a big hug. The next day he is walking on the same beach, and he sees the same girl crying, so he walks up to her and ask her again. She replies, “Well I have never been kissed before.” So he leans over and gives her a big kiss. The 3rd day he is again walking on the same beach, and the same lady is crying and the man can’t figure out why? He has hugged her and kissed her. So he walks over and ask her for the 3rd time, “Why are you crying now?” She responds, “We”, I have never been fucked before.” The man says “Ok”, so he picks her up, and throws her in the water and says “Well not your Fucked.”

If you have some better Jokes, Feel free to add a comment and share with the world.

Larry Flynt vs. Stephen Hawkings vs. Christopher Reeves (CRIPPLED FIGHT)

This would be the crippled fight of all crippled fights. Who do you think would win out of Larry Flynt, Stephen Hawkings and Christopher Reeves? I would have to put my money on Christopher Reeves, only because I don’t think that Flynt or Hawkings would be smart enough to bring kryptonite to the fight. Who would you pick???

Our Contenders

Disabled People Are Such Retards

Oh my god! Someone said disabled people are Retards! Who CARES? I don’t see why people are getting there panties in a bunch because the new Ben Stiller movie “Tropic Thunder” uses the word “Retard” throughout the movie. This is not the first time a movie has made fun of crippled’s, and I certainly hope its not the last. If people want to get pissed off about disabled rights, why don’t you bitch about something that matters, like the fact that there is no media coverage for the Beijing Paralympic’s, or how bout the fact disabled sports are in second place behind the Spelling Bee, World Series of Poker, and my favorite Scrabble. Pull your heads out of your asses and complain about something that matters.

Obesity is not a Disability

I am by no way racist or bias, and will equally make fun of all, but being a crippled, there is nothing worse than hearing someone associate another person being overweight or “obese” in the same category as someone with a disability. Wanna know how big this issue is? Approximitaly 137,000 people in this country claim Social Security due to obesity. Which leads to 137,000 issued handicapped plates/tags, 137,000 less handicappedspots for people who ACTUALLY need them, and a whole lot of pissed off handicapped people who suffer from this. Infact you want to know how easy it is to be considered “Obese” according to ADA? “To be covered by the law you need to have a BMI (Body Mass Index) of over 400lbs or be at least 100 pounds overweight.” Sounds pretty cool to me. Not only can I eat what I want, not work, get paid by the government, but I can also laugh at the poor crippled kids while I’m at it. Heres an Idea! Since I’m already crippled, if I get overweight, than maybe I can collect two checks, one for the disability and one for the obesity, SWEET.

Get Out Of The Way, Here Comes A Wheelchair!

Let me start off by setting you up with a visual and really put you in a place where you can visualize this. Your in a wheelchair and you going down a side walk that is clearly big enough to hold Rosie O’donnell and Al Roker side by side on a bad day. As you are coming up to someone walking on the opposite side of the sidewalk as you, they jump into the grass or street to avoid you. Why you may ask? Well your asking the wrong person because I am always on the receiving end of it. Let me try to get one thing out there, people in wheelchairs are very good at knowing there space and whats around them. I mean you wouldn’t jump out of the way if you were in that same scenario and the person who was in a wheelchair is walking instead. Disabled people are not out to take out peoples ankles, and drive people off of the side walk so we can hog it all to ourself, even though it does sound tempting and I know this same scenario has happened to anyone who uses a wheelchair. So people, please do me a favor and next time you want to jump out of the way for the sake of your life, don’t, because the crazy crippleds are out to get ya.

Wheelchair Sports vs. Scrabble

If you have ever been home on a weekday then you know there is nothing more on television than talk shows involving brother and sister marriages or infomercials telling you how to become an overnight millionaire. Occasionally however you may turn your channel over to the local sports channel and find two middle aged men battling it out over a grueling, fast paced, hard action, game of Scrabble. Thats right, someone who gets paid a lot of money somehow makes the decision that they would rather broadcast the spelling bee/scrabble over a game of wheelchair basketball or wheelchair rugby. I mean I know that if I were making the decisions on what to broadcast I wouldn’t think twice about playing scrabble over a boring, slow, non-intriguing, non-contact, game of wheelchair basketball. “Watch as player two grabs his scrabble piece, and wait, just when I thought he was going for the letter “F” he went for “Z”, what a move, this hectic crowd of 6 is stunned!!!!” Thats the world I hope to someday live in, oh wait, I do. So while we watch world of entertainment focus their sports highlights on nouns and verbs, please take a second to think to yourself, “who makes these decisions?” And I’ll be more than happy to answer that with, the heck if I know????

Lazy People Parking

So you pull up to your local mall or grocery store and you are enraged because all of the handicapped parking is taken up. As you drive around for another 10 minutes hoping by some miracle you will see someone in a wheelchair going towards there car and you are going to move in ever so smoothly to capitalize on what has been a parking adventure and you don’t see someone in a wheelchair getting into there car, you don’t even see someone on crutches or a senior citizen? Instead it is some middle aged man or lady who has no trouble getting in or out of there car, but legally, they can park there because they posses handicapped plates. So what do you do in my shoes? Do you even so politely wait behind them to take the spot and let them carry on about there day? Do you smile and wave as you give them room to back out? Naaa. Instead, you pull up next to them and you make them feel as if they have committed some heinous crime that not even Hitler himself would think about committing or better yet you know that dream where your on stage in nothing but your underwear and you have everyones attention? Yea thats it, put em on the spot. And its not because you want to be a jerk or make someone upset, but it is just wrong and more than likely they do it every where they go because there is no such thing as a special occasion in this situation. And this goes for anyone who says “well I was just running in” or “but my dad is handicapped”? No, its never cool and should never be done. And I know for a fact that anyone who is handicapped has experienced this same situation ten fold. So if you do it, than don’t, because you never you, you may always get that one person that will call the tow company on you. Seen it, done it, and won’t think twice about doing it again. But than again, you were just running in right? (RUNNING)

Its ok, hes Crippled

My articles pretty sum me up. I tell it how it is, just unfortunatly for the world I know how to get it out there. Hopefully when its all said and done, I’ve pissed alot of people off.