Crippled Jokes (The Best Of 2)

(1) Brandon is showing two girls around town and they come to a street crossing. Brandon presses the button and the pedestrian signal goes ‘beep-beep-beep-beep…. ‘ ‘Whats that for?’ asked one of the girls. ‘Oh that’s just to let the blind know that the lights have changed’ said Brandon. ‘My God’ she said, really shocked, “where we’re from, we don’t even let them drive!”

(2) Three disabled guys (a blind man, an amputee, and a guy in a wheelchair) are flying home, when their plane crashes in the Sahara Desert. The three disabled guys  decide they cant wait for help, so they start their way through the desert. They start to get real thirsty, so they decide to seek out water. The amputee leads the way, with the blind man pushing the guy in the wheelchair; and, eventually they find an oasis. The amputee goes into the water first, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, walks out the other side and lo and behold, he has a NEW LEG! He gets excited and encourages his friends to do the same. The blind man offers to push the guy in the wheelchair, but he gets refused because the guy in the chair wants to be Mr Independent and isists the blind man goes ahead first. So he goes into the water, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, walks out the other side and low and behold, he can SEE! Now the guy in the wheelchair’s getting really excited, starts pushing with all his might, goes into the water, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, and wheels out the other side. Low and behold, NEW TIRES!!!

(3) There once was a lady who was tired of living alone. So she put an ad in the paper which outlined her requirements. She wanted a man who (1) would treat her nicely, (2) wouldn’t run away from her, and (3) would be good in bed.

Then, one day, she heard the doorbell ring. She answered it, and there on the front porch was a man in a wheelchair who didn’t have any arms or legs.

“I’m here about the ad you put in the paper. As you can see, I have no arms so I can’t beat you, and I have no legs so I can’t run away from you.”

“Yes, but are you good in bed?”

“How do you think I rang the doorbell?”

(4) One day, three boys were walking over a bridge when they heard a guy yelling for help. It was President Bush. He was drowning, and the three boys rescued him.  He thanked them dearly and promised them whatever they wanted as a reward.
The first boy wanted $10,000, so Bush gave him the money.
The second boy wanted a Ferrari, so Bush gave the boy a Ferrari.
The third boy wanted a wheelchair , Bush said, “Why do you want one of those, son, you’re not disabled .”
The boy replied,”I will be when my dad finds out whose life I just saved.”

(5) There was a man who got into a car accident. He was soon rushed to the hospital. The left side of his body was completely paralyzed. The family asked the doctor how bad in shape he was.

The doctor said, “He was going to be all right.”


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